L.B.L. (Part Two)

Dear Baby Daddy

I know we haven’t spoken in a while. Don’t worry, I am not asking you for money or to come back to me. This isn’t about me at all, this is about you. For the rest of my life I have to think about you. It’s been over sixteen years since we were together but I have to look at your face every day. Your ways, your mannerisms, your attitude, I have had to live with a little you for a long time now. He doesn’t even know you, but he’s just like you. Sometimes I even call him by your cursed name.

It’s been hard trying to raise OUR son by myself. I have done my best but I know he deserves better. I always worked hard trying to make sure we always had nice things and a roof over our heads. I didn’t want to live of the government and embarrass him by having to purchase everything with food stamps so I always worked overtime and put in late hours. You know we aren’t very close to our family so I had to trust a lot of babysitters with him. I used to hate the way he would look at me when I got home. His eyes were always so empty, it’s like he didn’t even recognize me.

Things were really tough for a few years when I went to finish school. I took a lot of night classes so I could get a promotion. He was old enough not to need all the babysitters anymore so I tried to give him some freedom. He was the man of the house after all so I left him to his domain. We didn’t live in the best neighborhood and I loved him so much. I used to see all the boys hanging on the corner and I refused to let that happen to our son. As soon as he got home from school I’d make him call me at work so I knew he was safe. I made sure there was something to eat in the fridge too so he didn’t have to worry. He was always so much nicer than those other boys around the street. I made sure he kept away from them. I wish I could do more to protect him from the streets; I just could be around as much as I wanted to. All the work and studying was so tiresome that by the time I got home I needed to get some rest. At least I knew during the day he was at home and safe.

I don’t know what happened when he started middle school. The teachers would always talk about how bright he was, but then he started to struggle. I cried when he failed his first test. All of a suddenly the teachers were calling every week because he was acting up. I knew I had to make sure I worked even harder so I could send him to a better school. I don’t know what those people were doing at that place but whatever it was it was corrupting our son. I tried to talk to him but I could see that his spirit was being broken. I just didn’t know what to do by myself. The teachers eventually stopped calling though so I guess he got his act together. I still wanted to make sure I made enough money to try and send him to a private school where he could receive the proper care and attention. Little boys learn to be men in school, and they weren’t doing a very good job.

That next summer was the worst yet. You should have seen how big he was getting. I could tell he was starting to get in to the ladies too. I tried to take him out with me sometimes but he didn’t seem very interested. He would always just talk about sports or something. I bought him that new play station with the basketball and football games. I guess he would rather play his little game that go shopping with ma. I guess he thought I was just lame or something. Well, I did what I could to make him happy, but that didn’t seem to do much.

I started to think that maybe he just needed another man in his life. I made sure than any guy I dated played a role in his life. That boy was really starting to need some discipline. He was to big for me to say anything, when I would yell at him I could tell he wasn’t afraid of me anymore. Some of the guys were okay but our son never seemed to really connect with them. I will admit, not all of the guys were the greatest. I got into it with a few of them, but I know it was my fault. If I don’t even know how to talk to a twelve year old how would I ever be able to properly understand a real man. It seems like the harder I tried the more I always pushed every man in my life away. I know it’s my fault you left me and our son but it isn’t fair to him. He really is a good boy.

I started to go to church with a lady from my job. It was alright for a while. They would talk to us about the Lord and how He wants everyone to be blessed and prosper. We didn’t have much but I’d give it all to the church so that our son could be blessed. I don’t think he ever realized how much I really tried to do for him. Some of the men in the church took a liking to him too. Anytime he stepped out of line they would always make sure he didn’t step too far. I couldn’t discipline him myself because he hardly listened to me anymore. I really appreciated all the help I got. He even started playing sports but I guess he wasn’t too interested because he ended up quitting every team he played for. I would get so mad because I would work overtime to make sure he had clothes and equipment for the games, but then I’d find out he stopped playing. I don’t know what’s wrong with that boy.

I though going to church would have helped more but it seems like we just started to struggle even more. I would make sure I paid my tithes and give offerings every week but we never were able to prosper. It was even worse in fact now that he started high school. He was always so disrespectful to the women he’d talk to. The teachers started calling again with complaints they’d received from his female classmates. He even got into a few fights with a few of the girls male friends. Now you know I ain’t letting anybody but their hands on my son. I taught that boy exactly what to do next time some little bastard put their hands on him. Next day he got suspended, but all those so-called friends didn’t bother him anymore.

Well, he is sixteen now, almost a man. Him and I don’t talk at all anymore, when he is home it seems like he is just going through the motions with me. I let him know when he is eighteen he will be a man and has to get out of this house. I did everything I could as he was growing up. Two more years and he will be grown. That leaves only two more years for you to try and talk to him. You know this world is out to get him, why won’t you give him a chance? I have done everything I can, but it hasn’t been enough. I can’t deal with him anymore, you need to do something with that boy.

Sincerely,
Baby Mamma


Part III Coming........